u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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