I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
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Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
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I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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