why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
