oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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