Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
