remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Randomize
