I like to think it a success when the cops are called
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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