I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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