I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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