dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I touched a dick in church today
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
