Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
