I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
