So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
