Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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