Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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