the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
