Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
