I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
