At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
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No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
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About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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