I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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