it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
