the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
