did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
