i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
