Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
