I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
FUCK WHALES
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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