I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
