I can text with my tongue
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night