i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
