You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
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You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
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I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Dicks are not precious.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica