he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid