she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
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thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
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Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.