I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
