Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
