great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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