Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
