i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
