Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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