a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
