On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
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