Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
This is my gift to your gina
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
