Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
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I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
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seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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