1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
