I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
