The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
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