Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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