I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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