maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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