tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
well you can't waste a boner
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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