Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
