I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
