I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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