I've blown a few things in my day
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
do nipples grow back?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
