I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
