Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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