This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
