so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm bleeding and have questions
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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