I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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