Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
