he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
