Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
