Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
