So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
