It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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