Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
