Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
