I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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