theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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