We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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