You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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